I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i think i just lost a toe
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
