Having a random hookup so left but love u
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
