I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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