she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
These tits shall not be calmed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
