It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Randomize
