Im at strip club and am horny
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
