oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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