Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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