I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
