So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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