I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
