you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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