I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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