It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
