then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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