I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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