The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
