you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
