If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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