you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
