Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
