i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
