Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
