You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
