i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
