i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
