Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
