he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
