there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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