Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish my penis had a tongue
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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