you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
