I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
