If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
