Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
