That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize