Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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