I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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