i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
