dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
