I hate all girls vehemently.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Michael Bay diarrhea
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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