R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
