Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
