I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
