What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
