What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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