We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
