i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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