dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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