Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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