i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
