New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i barfeds in our rink
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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