Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
