Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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