i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
