My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
