i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
