when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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