Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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