so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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