yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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