You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
