Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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