I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize