we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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