i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
