so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
