is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
