Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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