I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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