I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
