I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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