we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize