So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
