the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
