I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
