But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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