it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
